An Inaccurate History of Thrynn (Revised Edition)

[Excerpts taken from The Inaccurate History of Thrynn, vol. 1, by the famous gnome historian Rillian Matternod; revised by his great-grandson Turok Matternod in 829 S.A.]

What do you get when you let a bunch of selfish female wizards run things? The governing body of Thrynn, that's what. Now, don't get me wrong, the Magos (you know, the four chicks who control everything around here) aren't evil. Surprising, isn't it? They're just corrupt. And pompous. And selfish. The original four Magos were just as selfish and corrupt, and when authority gets passed from mother to daughter, generation after generation, things like that aren't going change, neh? But really, they're not truly evil — and if some outside force ever threatened Thrynn, they'd do what they had to in order to make sure that Thrynn was protected. It'd probably be for their own selfish reasons, but in this case the end justifies the means, don't you think?

<Editor's note: Case in point - the War with Alyssa. That was an instance of both the Magosi protecting Thrynn (with the help of the elves and a bunch of other miscellaneous people), as well as really screwed-up government. Of course, when you combine a sadistic male would-be heir and a belt of gender-changing, what do you expect, honestly?>

[…]

Thrynn is basically a big island. A really big island. It's kinda round, about a thousand miles in diameter, there's a big mountain range in the middle — you know, fairly standard island qualities. Down in the southern regions is the Great Desert; 300 miles of bitter sand and heat, and not much else. There are a few nomadic tribes that make their homes in the southern desert, but very little else lives there.

<Editor's note: Apparently Great-Granddaddy Rillian was rather ignorant of the fact that there's a fairly large monastery down there, too. The Zu'len order is a bunch of crazy ascetics who think it's cool to torment your body with sand and heat and stuff. Crazy idiots, if you ask me. He also apparently forgot that the gnomes came from the desert…>

Other than that, there's very little in the way of geographical oddities.

[…]

Speaking of geological oddities, the Spires definitely fit that category. There are eight of them, fairly evenly spaced around Thrynn, each about 50 miles off the coast. They're about a mile tall, and they're just kinda sitting there, imitating great big rocks pointing at the sky. They do a good job at that; no one really knows why they're there or how they got there. What? Dragons? Of course not. Dragons don't even exist, that's just a silly legend. The Spire dragons are just a myth that peasant mothers scare their kids with. Just like the mind-controlling demons sent by Mor'thos a few years back to destroy the region of Arys.

Except that that really did happen.

Definitely no dragons, though. Nothing lives on the Spires except the seabirds that nest in the cliffs.

<Editor's note: We all know there used to be dragons on Thrynn, and they left for some mysterious reason or another. Something about them being tainted by the presence of other people or something? A bunch of scaly winged bigots, if you ask me. There were dragons on the Spires, too, until they all got made into undead by the agents of Alyssa back in 602. Got what they deserved.>

[…]

Politically speaking, Thrynn is divided into four provinces, each controlled by one of the Magos. (The original Magos couldn't settle on any sort of agreement on how to run the island, so they split it into four quadrants, and each agreed to rule over one. Each Magos placed strong magical wards over her own province to prevent any of the others from attempting a coup). The four provinces are
named after the original Magos: Maena in the north, Sayyida in the east, Arys in the south, and Bhan in the west. Each province has its own governing body and own set of laws, which makes travel between them interesting, to say the least…

[…]

It's interesting; one would think that such a strange political system would be quickly overturned. But it hasn't been. Yet. It seems that we've found a kind of delicate stability.

<Editor's note: HA! Hahahah! Hahahahahaha!>

[…]

Other mythology? Well, there're the five gods. You can read more about them in Appendix A - The Gods of Thrynn. Personally, I don't care much for them. The legend goes that the five gods got together a long time ago and pulled some nifty creation stuff out of their hats, and made Thrynn and the surrounding worlds. Then Mor'thos got pissed because Ild'ess was running things, and he
thought that should be a man's job. So he went all vengeful on her hiney and is now the Supreme Lord of Evil. At least, that's the general idea behind the story. There's other stuff in there, too — like, all the elves are the children of Lystra, random prophecies that haven't been fulfilled, stuff like that. A load of tripe, if you ask me; sounds like something some horny male nobleman wrote when he was pissed off at his wife. But to each his own, I say.

[…]

There're five principle races in Thrynn. Of course there are humans. Too many humans, if you ask me. I would much prefer it if we gnomes were the prevalent race around here, but there's not a lot I can do about that. The humans are fairly non-descript, though. Nothing special about them, not like the gnomes — we can do all kinds of… um… "creative" things. Hehehehee.

Generally we get along pretty well, though.

Then there are the dwarves. Those are interesting little buggers. Live chiefly underground, and don't seem to like sunlight much. They're tiny and vicious, though. I wouldn't want to meet one of them in a dark alley. Fast little buggers, too — I like to think I can move at a pretty decent rate, but I can't keep up with one of them… The dwarves pretty much keep to themselves, in a huge network of tunnels and cities that they've built in the Rogash Mountains; however, they have a good trade arrangement set up with us "topworlders," as they call us. So we see a good number of them around.

The elves are rare. Every 10 years or so, someone will claim to have seen one, but it's almost never verified. They're worshipped by the common folk, almost as much as Lystra is. Rumor has it that there are huge elven cities on the slopes of Mt. Oronath, but no one has ever found any, so either they're hiding really well or they don't exist.

<Editor's note: A lot more of the elves have started showing up recently. It's caused quite a big controversy among the more educated folks. Me, I don't really care. Elves, Shmelves, whatever.>

Then you have your random other smattering of races… I've seen a few half-orcs, a few half-giants, stuff like that. Not horribly common, but not the most uncommon thing, either. No half-elves, though. As far as I can tell, they don't exist. Heck, I don't even know if it's possible!

<Editor's note: Great-Granddaddy was a little bit naive when it comes to things like this. All you have to do is stick— well, never mind. Suffice it to say that half-elves are possible, and a few are hopping around our continent now. Somehow or another they ended up all in tune with nature-y crap or something. I guess Lystra felt sorry for them because they look so silly; sorta like the
hind end of a moortail got glued to a pair of walking legs or something…>

[…]

Hunh? Halfling? What's that?

<Editor's note: Apparently Great-Granddaddy Rillian was a diviner of some kind. A bunch of really short nutsoids showed up on Thrynn a few years back, and everybody started calling them halflings. If you ask me, I could've done without any lings at all. They look like some crazy bastardization of a far superiour race *cough*>

[…]

What, you expected me to have detailed information about wars, and the economy, and boring crap like that? Why do you think I called this "The Inaccurate History of Thrynn"? I basically just wanted an excuse to rant about stuff. Go read all 87 volumes of "Thrynn: A Formal Discussion of Economic and Socio-political Backgrounds" if you care about that. It's nearly as exciting as the title sounds.

<Editor's note: Actually, it really is a nice read.>

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